MNS (Make no Sense) was created because under this section, i`ll be writing on things that you may not understand. You may disagree on my opinion, action and thinking.. While writing MNS, emotions will run wild and thoughts are not being processed by my mind before being typed. The idea is typing whatever i feel like expressing without thinking of others feeling.
MNS #1 .
The day was already gloomy when i woke up reflecting my mood. Thinking to myself what should i do with this life of mine. I was suppose to be on a holiday, 45 minutes away from home in a city. I should enjoy my time and i did try to enjoy it. Being the "Dr Jekyll" of me wasn`t hard while carrying a ton of rocks tied firmly to my heart. It was painful and heavy, sweat rolled down my forehead as i quickly wiped it away with my shirt. Even so, i did a good job in concealing and continued playing my role till the end of day. There are numerous things in life i regretted doing and recently I was in a similar dilemma. When the sun sets, I went out. It was tiring being something when you are another.
The cold air blew against my face, i was wearing shorts and sport shoes while scrolling alone into the silent night. I could hear the wind whispering a melody and the trees began to dance while the flowers joined in waving left to right. The smell of freshly cut grass was in the air. I set on a bench observing nature to find peace in me. The moonlight was shining against my skin and i wondered how simple things can be so complex. I slowly untied the tons of rocks to my heart and put in on the bench next to me. Gazing at the rocks shattered my heart as i realized how stupid i was. How i have let the loved ones in my life down. How i have regretted my decisions and actions. I was an idiot not to realize this earlier...
Still seating on the bench with no one around me but nature, i saw a fox. It was beautiful, i stared at it as it stared back. Looking at its beautiful eyes remind me of the love i once had. The happiness i was given and received. Things changed.. time changed it. Circumstances changed it, not knowingly it changed me. I could barely recognize myself anymore. A lie leads to another lie and yet another.. It takes into no account what kind of lie is it. Be it white or black, blue or green. A lie is a lie!
The skies were filled with clouds. Just like the heart of mine, filled with sorrow and regrets. How i wish to see the stars in the skies shining brightly, how i wished that someone will understand me. I pray that the clouds will clear revealing the beauty of you..
My actions resulted the rocks tied to my heart. No matter how much i regretted and struggled in pain it would not disappears. Reality struck in and it was painful - i deserved it. As i seat on the bench it was so peaceful and i wished time would stop and i could live the moment. I wanted to leave the rocks behind on the bench, but it was not possible. Taking a deep breathe, I stood up and carried the rocks back. I am sorry...
3 comments:
Do not force yourself to do something you do not want to. Neither be "Dr Jekyll". Do not play a role for the sake of other people. It's hurtful for both you and the other people. It is good if you can voice out what you are thinking sometimes.
Never regret what you did, but to learn not to repeat the same action. There's always possibilities of making wrong decisions. It's the matter of how you are going to make things right. This is part of your life. Take it as a lesson.
The knot in your heart will be released soon. Give yourself some time, and the people you have hurt as well.
To you and your loved ones, FORGIVE and FORGET!!! Take care.
There is no such thing as a life without any regrets. However, regrets can become either burdens that interfere with your present happiness and restrict your future, or motivation to move forward. Do not let regrets overcome you. Follow these steps:
1. Determine what your regret really is. Do you regret something you did or something you didn't do? Something someone else did or did not do? A circumstance beyond your control? It is important to step back from the feelings of regret and identify exactly what the regret is.
2. Ask for forgiveness and make amends. Apologize for any harm you may have caused others, it does not kill to ask for forgiveness so give it a go! Forgive yourself. Forgiving others will make you happier. Be compassionate toward everyone involved.
3. Accept the circumstances. Avoid blaming others but rather take responsibility for anything that you could have better handled.
4. Deal with toxic relationships. Sometimes other people cause us to do things that leave us with serious regrets. Do you have a toxic relationship that needs to be addressed or severed?
5. Grieve for your regrets. When we feel regret, we relive guilt, sadness or anger over and over again. Allowing yourself to experience these feelings fully with the intention of moving forward can help you stop revisiting them.
6. Recognize what you have learned or gained. When you find yourself thinking of the regret, turn your thoughts to the things you have learned and the opportunities that are now yours - even if they are not what you would have preferred. There is always a lesson even in pain and sadness. Look for the lesson and focus on it instead of what might have been.
7. Write out a plan or agreement for yourself that identifies how you could avoid having this sort of regret in the future.
I deeply appreciate the comments made. Reading it made me aware that there are ppl who cares.. No matter who you are I would like to thank you very much for the advices and taking the time to care.
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