Made up my mind

Time waits for no one.
I still remember the days I would be crying begging my parents to let me watch cartoon on tele during the weekends even when exam is just around the corner. I still remember complaining to my parents I need extra pocket money for recess time but really I need the money to buy water gun. I was so carefree, and the only think I was fearful of are exams. Catching grasshoppers during recess, playing hide and seek, running freely around the school compound was my favorite pass time. This went on until I suddenly find myself in secondary school with a whole new bunch of friends which eventually became my close friends. Talking about gadgets, vacations, comics, basketball and girls.. lots of it. Our favorite was pissing the teachers off and became so notorious in school; teacher fears us student loved us.

Entering college life was fun, but I now suddenly notice the importance of getting good grades. I paid a little extra attention in college and manage to pass all my subjects and secured a place in a Uni in UK. I must admit, being in the UK was the best time of my life. We partied like there is no tomorrow, we studied and rush for assignment deadline. We worked part time to get a little extra money to tour UK. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we drank, we were very merry indeed. But it all ended when I finish my studies and all of a sudden it hit me that all this will end. Everyone has their own dreams in life and we will have to go our separate walks in life. Being abroad changed me, I now want different things. My expectations for myself raised drastically, I now look at things at a very different perspective.

I have hurt people closest to me because of this. I have disappointed them because I was no longer the person they once knew. It was mentally challenging, it was depressing. I started to suppress the real me within. But I was still no where near the old me. I can no longer put a smile on her face, and she has been constantly hurt by my actions and thinking. Every second of my existence brings sorrow to her soul. You may ask me, do I love her? Yes I do i will reply. I had a wonderful 6 years in my life, thats how long we have been togather. You came to me like an angel, giving love and care to me whenever I need it. You were always by my side supporting me. We went through alot of hard times which I dare to say any other girl would have ran away. But you were different. You stay still by my side giving me strength and encouragement

I have a confession, before leaving for the UK, I was thinking deeply if I should continue this relationship. If I could be strong enough to carry on while giving you strength and encouragement to hang in there. I was naive. I barely made it out alive and upon arriving in Malaysia you noticed that I have changed alot. I will be leaving soon my love, its a place full of challenge and I am sure I will go through another major change in myself. I want to continue this wonderful relationship till the very end but I have to think about you my love. I cannot bear to see the sorrow in your heart anymore. I cannot bear to see another tear drop from that pretty face of yours. The hard times of our live will strengthen us, the good times will remain sweet memories. You complaint that I never praised you much, you say I dont care about you. I apologize for not showing it, but hear it from me, I treasure you like the gem of my life. I love you so much when I see that smile on your face, have I told you that you have a wonderful character, so kind I think its wrong, have I told you that when you sleep you look absolutely peaceful, have I told you that you have wonderful soft skin, have I told you that you have a pretty nose, have I told you your eyes sparkle whenever you wanted me to do something, have I told you that you hold my hand like everything is going to be ok when deep down I know its not, have I told you that you have a beautiful family, have I told you that you have been so strong throughout our relationship, have I told you that I dont know what my life will become without you? I know now, its so painful. A pain so rare to me, a pain i never experience before, a pain that can stop my heartbeat. I just want you to be happy and carry on living without me, it might sound so selfish, harsh and unfair but I have to do whats best for both myself and you. That is why I have been letting you do alot of things on your own. You have your dreams in life and I have mine, but Im sad to say our dreams are in the direct opposite directions. I have been thinking about this for more than a year now and I finally made up my mind. Its best that we end this relationship and move on dear. Its a decision I cant bring myself to make but have to be made. As much as I want you to stay, as much as I want you to wait, but can I? I cant waste your life like that. I want you to be in my life so badly that when I said those words, a knife came cutting right into my heart. If you are the one girl. I will and will do whatever it takes to have you back into my life..

To you my love. Thank you for being in my life for the past 6 years and 3 months, I cant say how blessed am I, how wonderful it had been for me just to have you. You were my first love and I dont think i`ll ever come across someone like you again. We laughed together, had fun together, cried together and did alot of stupid stuff together. This are the moments I will cherish and love till the day I am lying 6 feet under. No one will ever be able to take this away from me, its kept in a book locked in my heart, wonders of love I can never be a part, I hope you`ll remember the memories in the past, goodbye my dear is too harsh.....