Dilemma of My LIFE

For every action taken will generate an equal opposing reaction. I asked myself why does god give me such harsh decisions to make in my life. I find myself going no where with this questions and Im really depressed about it. Such life changing decision falls down to me and I dont think I am capable of handling such pressure..

Finishing my studies I want to get a full time job in the UK to gain some work experience and mainly to clear my study loans before heading back to Malaysia. Only GOD knows the pain im going through not being able to go back so soon. On top of that, the pain was not alone for me to bear. My dear girlfriend in Malaysia is going through a roller coaster experience in life thus testing our relationship to the limit. Not knowing when i`ll be going back to her side breaks my heart. Countless time we have argued over this matter, countless time tears roled down her cheek, countless time I felt so lost, countless time I have acted calm but in fact im not. Giving her the support needed to stay strong I have to be strong

I was once reminded by my parents that in order to obtain permanent resident in Canada I would have to stay in Canada for 2 years out of 5 years. I never wanted to be PR in Canada, I never wanted to migrate, I never wanted to leave Malaysia, I never asked for this. Staying in the UK has used up 1 year, leaving me with a remaining 4 years time period in which I have to stay 2 years in Canada. My heart is divided into two. I was contemplating whether to continue job hunting in UK and then proceed back to Malaysia forgoing my PR status in Canada or should I go to Canada now and get a job fulfilling my 2 years stay. I dearly missed Malaysia so much it hurts to even think about it...

I do not want to go through such harsh decisions.. I do not want to leave my girlfriend back in Malaysia going through a really hard time with me, its not fair for her.. I do not want to dissapoint my parents my forgoing my PR status in Canada.. Im in a Dilemma. A Dilemma that haunts me over and over again making me weaker each time

Life after studies

9th of June, the official day where the results of my Uni is being announced. Well, after seeing the results, I was pondering on my next move in life. I have been studying throughout my whole entire life, yearning to have a break, eager to work, eager to just stop studying has been something I look forward to. I still cant believe how time flies and its time for me to move on in life, entering into a whole new world. I was stunned just by the thought of it, and suddenly felt that studying was not too bad afterall. A goal for the past 21 years of my life has been always to obtain good results has came to an end. A new goal has to be set and being thrown out to face the cruel world seems scary.

I was thinking of pursuing Masters, to improve myself better in this competitive world or take up some other professional qualifications. But deep down in me, the other reason is to go back into the comfort zone.. a zone I have lived my whole entire life in. A life of studying. However, due to some contstraints it was not possible for me to do just that for the time being. So, ready or not! Working life here I COME!!

Now, the most frustrating part of working is applying. I have sent countless CV`s, cover letters to countless companies that is hiring. I have spend the whole evening filling up stupid application forms to companies and explaining why they have to hire me bla bla bla. But wait, it doesnt ends here. I have to wait a few weeks for the companies to reply and the only reply I have recieved so far was letter of rejection. GOD im frustrated with them!! Not a single company would be kind enough to meet me in person and let me sell myself! Curse the recession! Curse the economy! Curse why on earth are they not hiring international fresh grads. With the current economy downturn made my job hunt a disastrous one. All I want is a descent job with a descent pay to gain as much experience I could before heading back to Malaysia. It looks like im playing a little game of hide and seek with the companies. Their hiding and im seeking.. sigh

Destiny

Well, I guess its time for me to start blogging. It has been quite some time since I blogged, reason = lazy! Shame on me...

For some reasons the word "destiny" kept flashing in my mind. I see it in movies, lyrics, communications. People says things happen because it is destined to happen. You are destined to be something because your life has been written on a book and the end is always the same no matter how hard you try changing it. Why some people end up being successfull? some failure, some happy, some depressed, some good, some evil, some hated, some loved, some alive and some dead. For a long time in chinese cultures, we beleived that even before you are born, you are destined for certain things. The gods have our destiny planned and people often would want to know their destiny creating people called "mediums" that said to have the ability to see your destiny by communicating with the gods.

They say destiny is everything. Who you are, who you love is predetermined. I think destiny doesnt exist. There is no such a thing called "destiny". All men have choices and the choice they make will determine the future. Life is a story book only the pages are blank. We pen our tale. If you truly believe that you write your own tale.. the ending is up to you. No one can predetermine your life, not even the gods.

I am my Destiny, my destiny is at my will.