D-day

Tick tock tick tock tick tock... the needles of the clock never once stop for a second. Time goes by regardless, and I have been quitely, sadly counting down to this day. With each passing day for the past few months my heart grew heavier, and now I stand at the traffic light staring at the "yellow" glow picking up my luggage and ready to go.

As I picked up the final luggage, my heart.. I didn't know that over the months it has grew so heavy that I can barely lift it up. I looked sadly at it knowing that it has grew fond of this place, the food here, the people here. It kept reminding me this is the place I grew up, this are the people that showed you kindness, and this are the food you ate your whole life and these are the memories that will you not forget until you lay 6 feet under.

I wonder to myself again if what I am about to do is sound. My brain has been calculating and thinking this question over and over again and if I rule out all my emotion, it is a logical move. But who am I without emotion? Who am I without feelings? I will not even be human..

A decision has been made, and all preparations has been made a few months prior to this date. I can never say how much I will miss my friends and family here. Everytime I bid farewell a little of me inside died, which makes me comes to a conclusion that I WILL be back again. Take this as a moment of adventure where I go all out to achieve my dreams and will be back again to tell the tale.

But above all, I hope that I will continue to have all your support.. especially the support from YOU. I pray every single day that you will be safe and sound.

Beyond words can describe, beyond expression could tell. Read my heart... "you" know me well enough. Afterall you have been with me most of the time in my life.

Reason

i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

Drunkard

As I always call it, alcohol to me is a happy potion. It has the ability to make you all time high and happy for a moment. But I fail to see that it serve as a double edge sword, it actually enhances your emotion of that particular moment. Most of the time when consuming "happy potion" I was either in a happy or party mood resulting me babbling like a fool and laughing or happily dancing off to the music.
Well, what if you consume alcohol when your feeling down and out? I can tell you, your in for a ride. Alcohol to you seem like water, and even if you know you have enough there is a sudden urge you want to reach out for that 2nd shot on the table, just to immerse yourself in that few seconds. But what comes after that few seconds is what I call the "washing machine" effect. Your head will start spinning together with your stomach, and before you know it you are at a corner throwing up until your stomach is dead empty. All of a sudden you feel overwhelmed with a gush of sadness and loneliness. You lie on the bed, shivering from the cold. Your stomach growling and hurting from the gastric juice that continues to grind the stomach walls. Leaving you feeling doubly sad....

So drink when your happy and not sad.